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Realest thesis 1st Edition
Process, Exhibitions, Press
SUMMER 2018
Reunited And It Feels So Good
Slowly reacquainting with Realest. Re-downloading photos from the harddrive, looking at Volume 1.1, starting to write a small to-do list of edits. Research for a new project I’ve been working has lead me back learning about ethnography because of academia and thesis structures. I don’t fight the clock anymore. Realest has aged gracefully like wine. Pages have yellowed nicely along the edges and the cover looks better with wear. Participants I shot with are also doing great! Career wise, health, life, etc. I’m honored to have documented an earlier chapter in their process.

What the biggest obstacle in life?
Yourself.

Deep down I knew I had to start over. As happy as I was for accomplishing everything from the beginning until printing the first edition, I was more unhappy trying to settle and continue in the exact same direction it was already going. I have this crazy ethereal project manager somewhere in my head. She literally sees time and concepts in the form of colorful blobs. It’s how I can stay so organized. She moves these shapes around to fit perfectly or at least into the most ideal mass that represents a desired outcome. She was fighting with other parts of me. So angry that we were pushing to completely reset the project. Do you know how long that will take? Look at everything we’ve done so far! I worked so fucking hard. Was it all for nothing?! It took months of building inner strength to talk back. Do you want us to be depressed when it’s all said and done? We know we can do better. We know in the long term it’s what’s necessary. Yes it’s going to be more work but it’ll be worth it, I promise. All this wasn’t for nothing. It was an exercise in endurance to prepare us for the real marathon. We’ll be happy. You know it. This is for all of us.

In retrospect, leaving (escaping?) America was a blessing. It really felt like I got out just in time with all the Trump shit, etc. Physical distance was step one. I needed time and silence to listen to all my selves and readjust my approach to this project. I retreated from the outside world. A very big wave of consciousness has been making its way through us lately. We’ve been purging unnecessary negativity in the form of people, perspectives and habits. I too cleansed. I stopped talking to almost everyone even remotely related to Realest. Not out of spite, but for clarity. Removed myself from the daily news and digital clutter. Went into myself again. Full circle to when I first started Realest.
LATE SUMMER / EARLY FALL 2018
Sealing in the Foundation
Beginning to paint over the remaining copies of Volume 1.1 first edition. Very therapeutic. It feels like destruction. Releasing attachments to old work and revisiting this project with fresh gusto. Covering the edges with paint/adhesive to connect surfaces transforms pages into sculptures–which is how I've always seen books. New life. This is part of a vision I’ve had since college. Back then it was too subconscious to manifest. I needed to learn skills and more art theory. Polka-dots because when I launched the Kickstarter I teamed up with an artist who was supposed to paint 5 covers for a limited edition tier. Unfortunately he never fulfilled his end of the deal or gave me a refund. Fuck him. I did it myself.

Every cover is unique. Gave the first experimental piece to Betty (childhood friend). I've discovered a love for painting typography. Circles are also symbolic of duality, balance, connection. Increasing my self-love has also brought in more confidence and self-worth. I’m not playing down the work anymore, or price. In my heart, the first round of prints were tests and they were sold at $50–$80 a copy.

Keep painting. Build texture. Something I’ve picked up from Mike Reesé.
SEPTEMBER / OCTOBER 2018
Realest 2nd Edition Book,
First Draft
Here we go! It's been a fruitful fall. Realest was nearing its 3 year anniversary. I felt compelled to release a version of the 2nd edition. It's only right. Been writing like a madwoman and it’s my absolute pleasure to announce the first work-in-progress pdf.

Cover mockup and excerpts.

Sent a link of the working pdf to some participants, friends and family. I noticed many weren't inclined to actually download it. Perhaps because I texted instead of emailing? The pdf file size was too big to preview on mobile. Or maybe people don't care as much as I hoped? I know it's a long read which means it will probably be set aside for a while but I was a little disappointed by the lack of enthusiasm. Then again, I’m the same way. I wait until the right moment to read. Timing right?

JANUARY 2019
Digital Version
Getting a jump start on the public, digital version of Realest by translating the pdf into a mobile-friendly website. This month I launched the Prelude with Gabriel Garzón-Montano, all writing components and Sebastian's session on Tumblr. Coding every page naturally made me revisit the writing. I refined a lot of loose ends and worked through some navigation issues. The pdf was a weird hybrid of trying to design for both print and digital at once. It had a presentation format which eluded to a double page spread but included hyperlinks like a website. I think I was trying to pack too much in.

Finally see light at the end of the tunnel. Hypothesizing the digital version will be done first. I still have iron out final printing format and quantity. The hardest lump to swallow is the fact that I might end up running full circle to my original concept: one coffee table book that summarizes the best of the best images. It makes more sense now that a full digital version lives in tandem.

Something that definitely didn’t exist in my head 3 years ago is a collaborative glass sculpture that encases the book. The painting represents the demon that possessed my ex-husband. He bookends the story of Realest. One must break through the glass to access the book inside which. A metaphor for exorcism and my opposition to institutions that privatize their theses. Taking my perception of books as sculptures to the next level!

Illustration by local Vancouver artist @bubblegumkushprincess

Hilarious. I was editing the line above that says “spoon.” Should I add a reference to Mary Poppins? And then I realize Spoonful by Charlie Hunter Quartet is playing in my earphones. Again. Timing. It’s the little things.

NOVEMBER 2019
Done?!
 
SAY WHAT? Yes that’s right I’m finished motherfucker! This thing took a grand total 4 years. Perfect since It’s a thesis now. I ended up making the entire book by hand. Cutting every line of text out. Another full circle to a project I did in college. Why?

This project didn’t just change my life, it is my life. An incredible learning experience watching people first hand. Not just about music and culture but about connection, energy, self-love. These elements fuel everything I do now from process art to brand architecture and personal coaching.

So. Website done. Book in pre-press. Final sculptures on the way. ETA January 2020.

I went to New York and LA last month for the 4 year anniversary to catch up with as many participants as possible. Serendipity? No. Alignments are a good thing. Ran into Cbass, Jae and all of Motion Family and ended up having a beautiful meal courtesy of Chef TJ at Federicos. I was especially mushy because this was the first time I felt like I could slightly repay Motion Family for all the support. Seriously, more than half the people I know right now are because of my OGs. Also any restaurant TJ runs is my fave. It’s too bad I couldn’t squeeze in an Atlanta pitstop but not everyone was in their home city anyways. Some moved, some were there but schedules didn’t match, regular life. The final printed cover is going to be white. A blank canvas. I’m done!
View Thesis 2nd Ed.